THE RHYTHMS OF WOMEN, VOL. 4

"No matter how hard I tried, I just didn’t fit in. Fitting in felt forceful - like trying to force a marshmallow into a piggy bank’s coin slot. Yet others weren’t accepting of me either. I was different and didn’t want to change. I was the butterfly who refused to become a caterpillar again.

I became the target of bullies at a very young age. Some of the worst bullying I faced was in boarding school, thousands of miles away from my home - my safe haven. I lived with the bullies 24/7. From name calling to being beaten up, the bullies were relentless and brutal. Not a day went by that I didn't feel anxious and face panic attacks out of sheer fear of what I'd have to face that day. To add insult to injury, a family member who was attending the same boarding school would tell me to 'go die' every time I reached out for help. To this day, I shudder to think of what could have happened if I took those words seriously.

After leaving that particular school, I moved from one school to the next, not recognizing the emotional scars that the bullying left on me. This lead to me becoming a bully of sorts myself. I didn't have any resources to overcome the anguish that I felt within. So, I had no other option but to develop my own tools to help myself heal. It was trial and error at first but once I found what worked, I was able to apply it in every bullying situation that I faced in the future.

The bullying extended to the workplace and within my family too, however, I applied the tools that I developed to combat this and walked away with my head held high, and without wobbly knees. But I had yet to face and conquer the worst bully.

Despite having a successful career in finance and holding two professional designations, I felt something was amiss. I tried my hand at entrepreneurship and ran a successful online fitness business for two years, but the void I felt still couldn’t be filled. I couldn’t quite figure out why I felt so unfulfilled.

The answer came when I attended an anti-bullying workshop at my daughter’s school. I had an entire lifetime of experiences, learning, and tools that I'd developed so why not share it with others who are struggling with bullying? It would be a disservice not to.

Armed with this new revelation, I shut my fitness business down and started from scratch. It was scary but the sheer excitement I had at the thought of being able to help others with this experience kept me going.

Despite a lot of ups and downs in the process, I was consistent and determined to share my story and my experience because I had one goal in mind: To provide solutions to those struggling with bullying, and to show them “how” to combat it - rather than just telling them what to do. And so my book 'Unbullied: 14 techniques to silence the critics, externally and internally' was birthed. Through the process of writing my book, I came face to face with my worst bully - myself. I'd been bullying myself with thoughts of not being 'good enough'. While combating my inner bully, my blog 'Life’s Lessons', came into being. The focus of my blog is about inner healing, overcoming feelings of inadequacy and annihilating the internal bully - peppered with soul searching, and perhaps some humor. I believe that if my work helps even just one person, I've fulfilled my calling."

KALYANI'S RHYTHM

Calgary, Alberta

Inner Season: Spring

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The Rhythms of Women. Sharing their stories here. Every Friday.